2008

Kelly: Let's watch SouthPark and laugh our asses off.
S~: Let's finish our papers.
Kelly: I'd rather be a pot-addled sperm.

story of my (our) life (lives).

Kelly: ...are you crocheting your ipod headphones?
S~: DON'T JUDGE ME. I'M PROCRASTINATING.

K: lololol but srsly penises! they are so strange looking! so foreign and weird!
S~: i really enjoy them in theory
S~: (and by theory i mean fanfic)
S~: but.
(later)
K: meh, boys
S~: oh Y chromosome.
S~: y so y?
S~: <-- lamest. ever.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-30)

Listen

On White Castle hamburgers:

Rachel: why the obsession?
S~: because they're so wee and slightly bad for you which automatically means that it is something that i will love
Rachel: so you love britt? :P
S~: hahahahahahahahahaha
S~: exactly.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-23)

my gmail theme is cherry blossom and it makes...

“So that over there’s like a thirty million year old...”
— oh langeland.

newresolution: An opportunity, a person, a place… something.

clearly technology shouldn't be a day...

mon.thly.info: oh hay there you should start ovulating soon lolzers
me: OH REALLY.
me, later: ...though considering I've been joking about appendicitis for the past two hours, this is probably a good thing to know.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-16)

going through archives, came across this

S~: HE TURNED TO GOO, ANNALISA.
S~: I DON'T THINK THIS IS HEALTHY.
Annalisa: MALFOY GOO. IT SHOULD BE MARKETED/
Annalisa: LIKE SILLY PUTTY.
Annalisa: OR BLOWJOB GONE WRONG

slightly: unicornology: story of my...

S~: my bio professor is from newzealand
S~: i'm worried that i'm not taking in anything because i am too busy listening to her adorable accent
Chungyen: hahahah
Chungyen: i am worried that i am not doing any singing in choir because all i do is stare at the pretty girls
Chungyen: but somehow it works out anyway

her concert cherry was popped the same...

S~: PORTIA PORTIA PUDDING CUP
Portia: SASKIA SASKIA SALSA BOWL
S~: I AM IN LOVE WITH COLIN MELOY WHO IS THE LEAD SINGER OF THE DECEMBERISTS HOW ARE YOU
Portia: I AM IN LOVE WITH MICHAEL FRANTI

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-9)

Becca: The planetarium is the place where they keep stars, right?
Hailey: Yes, and then they set them free again at night!

S~: i'm a ho :)
James: ok
James: well
James: full disclosure:
James: I'm sort of a pimp myself
James: ;)
S~: oh really
James: Yeah. A MastaPimp.
S~: O RLY
James: RLY Y
S~: i see.
James: wat u thnik?
James: I can haz pimpness?
S~: i b judgin u
S~: :D
S~: bros b4 hos
S~: am i a bro or a ho
James: You're Saskia.
James: You beat both. It's like you're a get out of jail free card!
S~: AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
S~: I'm a bro ho!
S~: um
S~: ;)

slightly: semisetadrift: pterodactyl: betterlookalive:...

“I think I look at love differently than other people. Like, to some people, love is always...

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-2)

“Female peacocks are like, YEAH.”
— Langeland on sexual selection...

“So if you bump into someone and randomly mate with them and...”
— Langeland.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-10-26)

Listen

CUTEST. EVER. thanks, yeswecanhas.com :)

life.

I did this all during AP psych three...

Amy: Whenever you have to remember what the amygdala does, just think of me.
Lyndsey: Emotions, especially fear.

so, like, this person’s imagination or whatever? is my...

post-convo rushing about was had and...

alarm clock: SEVEN THIRTY SEVEN THIRTY WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP
Rebecca: *hits the snooze button*
Saskia: GET UP REBECCA SHOWER TIME
Rebecca: fuck the shower >:(
(45 minutes later)
Rebecca: HOLY CRAP SASKIA WAKE UP IT'S EIGHT FIFTEEN WE HAVE CLASS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES

“Does anyone have an encyclopedia? Does anyone else have an...”
— Langeland. Oh, chromosome...

Kelly: So Rachel thought that you actually went to Detroit to see the Red Wings game, like, at the actual game.
S~: Well... I guess it could have happened...
Rachel: Shut up! I have no perception of distances in crazy Michigan!

“Throw it. Throw it. Yeah.”
— Kelly. You probably had to be...

Yes We Can (Hold Babies) -- aka AWESOME.

thank you world.

ummm... thank you, gmail!! :| (rednecks for...

“This disease will be the end of many of us, but not nearly...”
— from the end of the epilogue...

“You were contained in a vessel of baby-making!!!”
— Rebecca, about my bed (and a...

MMSK memories? more like ** memories...

awesomesquared: Yeah… My memories of Key Largo are basically of **. There was the time Selfie told...

http://www.bunkbeds.net/velociraptor/

Quiz: Do you have any experience with martial or boxing arts?
Ted: I know fencing?
Britt: I don't know if that counts...
Ted: Well, if I woke up in bed with a raptor and a foil and was like, oh my god what did I do last night...

first meetings can be so awkward

Aaron: I'm really happy! I got some business (I'm an entrepreneur).
S~: Sorry, I don't mean to, I mean, this is a really offensive question, but. Are you a whore?

An Old-Fashioned Unicorn's Guide to Courtship

photo by theparapsych; found (as so much else is) on...

SO ADORABLE OMG.

apparently, I was doing it right (for me)...

S~: mkay so i know that it's still only like, midnight fifty seven where you are
James: yeah
S~: but it's 1:57 here, because we are ~ahead of the times~
...
S~: goodnight
S~: go to bed, crazy college kid
James: night
James: crazy in-between kid.
S~: oh shush
S~: i'm older than you
S~: actually, i'm not

he BETTER be in lexington that weekend.

S~: Maybe we shouldn't do fast food. Fast food isn't healthy. Let's do Subway
James: But you can't get fries!
S~: BUT YOU CAN LOSE LIKE 50 PANTS SIZES.

probably shouldn’t email this to my...

taken by ljuser ‘destroyalltacos’ (apparently)....

from the site of the day.

S~: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdactFPg4cE this is the most amazing song in the world
S~: that's a slight exaggeration
S~: but it is stuck in my head right now, so
Justine: you're so odd
S: i know
S~: i went to elementary school with the piano guy
S~: my most vivid memory
S~: is once the entire class had a really involved discussion
S~: on circumcision
S~: and he was like randomly the person in the middle of the entire discussion
S~: i can't remember if it was because he was the only person there that day who was or who wasn't
S~: but. yeah.
Justine: write on his facebook wall and ask.
S~: HAHAHAHHAHAHA
S~: yeah that's not going to happen
S~: i'll ask our old teacher tomorrow
Justine: no, ask him
S~: "HI MS Z WAS MATT L CIRCUMCISED OR NOT BECAUSE I FORGET"
S~: or not
S~: okay
S~: hmm
S~: "HI MATTHEW I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU IF YOU WERE CIRCUMCISED OR NO BECAUSE I TOTALLY FORGET WHAT MRS H SAID IN CLASSROOM 5 ELEVEN YEARS AGO"
S~: (our teacher got her name changed when she divorced and that was after he left the school)
Justine: this is a good idea
S~: you're such an enabler

gmail certainly has a lot of spam recipes on...

discussed when harry met sally; got into...

S~: I have a TICKING TIME BOMB IN HERE! *gestures to heart*
Amy: I think that hers was even farther gone.
S~: I'm EIGHTEEN! There are only TWELVE YEARS until I turn thirty!!

originalist: (via facebook group: Rick Astley For Next James...

S~: oh i xdd
S~: ........
S~: see
S~: i think that trumped all my typos thus far
S~: in life

son of ETA

portia: HA
portia: HA
portia: HAAA
S~: what
portia: prtect me....
portia: you give me porn sites
S~: um
portia: yees?
S~: I deny all allegations of this sort.

ETA

S~: ps don't watch the video link i last gave you :|
portia: why?
S~: you're my little sister and i'm supposed to protect you from stuff like that!

she never trusts me :(

S~: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeVOTzyLsz0&NR=1
portia: what is it?
S~: a video
portia: ...of?
S~: zack and cody
portia: hahahahaha
S~: mhmm
portia: love it
portia: :)
S~: good!
S~: i'm surprised at how many inappropriate disney videos there are.
portia: hahhaahahahaha
portia: it's only expected
S~: is it?
S~: http://photos.l3.facebook.com/photos-l3-sctm/genericv2/710/109/01AwcAX3aqan8AAAABAAAAAAAAAAA:.jpg
portia: what's that a link to?
S~: a picture
S~: why do you not trust my links :(
S~: is it because i link you to inappropriate vidoes :(
S~: such as http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFyY_e5c14s&feature=related :|

firsthand from. people who actually went...

Jess: the [wrock] concert was in a giant ballroom
Jess: and I could, like, just imagine Draco or someone being like, "Only Gryffindors would hold a rock concert in a formal ballroom– and only Hufflepuffs would aid and abet it."

sigh.

interview for an essay (gone wrong). My...

Q: She likes her boys finger-lickin’ good, just as Oscar likes his girls with breasts out to there.
Q: Would you ever jump off a bridge with the intention of landing in front of a train?
A: No, unless Jesus Christ our lord and savior spoke to me.
A: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME
Q: Why did you really bite me on the butt?
A: That would be easier to answer if I had any reccolecection of the incident at all. You spelled recollection wrong. And now you spelled it right. YAY!
Q: HOW DID I REALLY SPELL THAT.
A: Too many Cs
Q: What should I ask you?
A: WHAT SHOULD YOUR MOM ASK ME?
Q: Where’d you get all your STDs from?
A: Now that is a complicated question. See, I was in a group. So, I’m not sure who gave me what… but it was in the Lafayette cafeteria after Homecoming. I was wasted. Somebody had spiked the punch.
Q: … seriously?
A: Jesus, no.
Q: I think that’s enough for now.
A: Awww…. One more? One more?
Q: Well, if you want me that much…
A: YOU DID NOT SAY THAT. YOU JUST TYPED THAT.
Q: OH MY GOD EW EW EW WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU JUST LICK MY STOMACH.
A: There needs to be a question mark. And, I did it because A) it is not your stomach, it is your shirt, and B) it looked shiny and tasty. I was not disappointed.
Q: IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN I WILL BEAT YOU UP.
A: So you’re allowed to buttrape me but I’m not allowed to lick your stomach? What kind of world is this?
Q: This interview is over.
A: You forgot the part about me missing your mole.
Q: …so much for the shirt I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DISTURBED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Why do you keep trying to lick me?!
A: Haven’t you ever seen something and been all, “oh my god I really want to lick that?” It’s like pictures in a museum! You can’t touch them, so you have to!
Q: Go to bed, dorkface.
A: You didn’t say that.
Q: Go to bed, dorkface.
A: Can I lick your mole?
Q: I hope you realize I’m tumbling this RIGHT NOW.
A: Are you also going to hand it out to your Kalamazoo associates?
Q: As long as you stop trying to lick me.
A: *weighs her options, literally* one more?

the monkey-faced piglet.

Okay, I know that I didn’t exactly love The Dark...

my sister is taking a summer health...

S~ (towards the end of the test; labeling the parts of the male system): Okay, you get to take the penis test, because it's too long for me.
Portia: That's what SHE said!
S~: huh?
Portia: It's too long for me.

and i thought i escaped stuff like this...

Portia: OMG
Portia: guess what?!?!?!
S~: what!
S~: mom and dad went to bed and your hot boyfriends brought a keg over?
Portia: no. that was last night
S~: neil patrick harris is scantily clad in the living room?
Portia: i wish omg
S~: (and suddenly not so gay)
Portia: haha
Portia: no
S~: WHAT
S~: savannah won ten million dollars
S~: and is funding the party?
Portia: i'm on the potty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S~: WHAT
S~: EW

gmail says, "why not sleep with him?". I...

on how i'm turning into her

S~: OH MY GOD MOM DID YOU LIKE SNEAK INTO MY ROOM AND INJECT ME WITH LIKE, A SYLVIA VIRUS OR SOMETHING?
Mom: ...it's called DNA.

so my sister dropped her phone in the...

Mom: I guess I can get her a new one... because I never really did make you pay me back when you got your replacement...
S~: Yeah, but you did make me do all that work for you and dad...
Mom: Yeah, but I can make her give me some money, because she actually has it.

long winded lol

So I’ve been going through these poems that I wrote between the ages of eight and fifteen, so....

gmail: "Plan a summer reading list!"

this is for you, j :|

9am cartooning art class. I'd like to...

Instructor: They could have any number of things... a bib, a big nose, a mohawk...
10yrold boy: AND AN AFRO!
Instructor: I don't think you could have a mohawk and an afro at the same time...
10yrold girl: Sure you could! It's called a mofro!

Gmail ads would like to remind me that the...

“They didn’t even have fire BC, did they?”
— Dad. I don’t think he...

bah. humbug. if roger daltrey was less...

S~: Hey mom, in three words, how would you describe the typical Who audience?
Mom: Hard rock stoners.
S~: Mmmm. Thanks.
Mom: NOT THAT I WAS ONE OF THEM

sometimes it takes me a little while to...

W (2147): Your day. Discuss.
S~ (2148): my day?
S~ (2149): OH.
S~ (2149): right, I had one of those

(the 'ha's are not laughter. the 'ha's...

S~: I was saying that most of my debts to you were canceled with that Mexican food a week ago... and that ha! ha! ha! ha! James rhymes with Lame(s)!! Ha! ha!
James: YEAH, WELL SASKIA RHYMES WITH... GASKIA.

because that's what really matters

Scooter: Mr Holloway... next week, class field trip to see Prince Caspian?
Mr Holloway: I don't much care for the Chronicles of Narnia
S~: But, Mr Holloway, Prince Caspian is REALLY HOT!

Ms Dewees: Why'd he buy a HEARSE?
Drew: He thought it looked tight as hell
Ms Dewees: Drew... watch what you say...
Drew: Well, it's appropriate for a hearse!

Mom: Isn't that a lot like masturbating?
Portia: What?
Mom: Texting yourself.

“I wish he didn’t die. He was pretty.”
— My sister, on the character...

“It’s impossible for anyone to be handsome when...”
— Me, on my cousin A and how my...

Patrick: Mr Holloway, can I run up to the counseling office real quick?
Mr Holloway: I don't care what you do!

Mr Liimatta: Teachers don't physically abuse their kids, but what do they do?
Jackson: Mentally abuse?

Justine: ahhhhhh an entire school year of being able to assert my superiority in person
S~: /:)
Justine: oh shoot
Justine: i so actually meant to type seniority
S~: hhahahahahahahhahahaha
Justine: clearly that was the best freudian slip ever

this is my new favorite picture in the world. thanks for the...

(she didn't mean that)

Portia: Do you think he'd join our threesome? ...wait, that sounds disturbing.
S~: First off, we aren't a threesome; there's just two of us, though, admittedly, if he joined, it WOULD be a threesome, but secondly, we're sisters and he's a dog...
Portia: I MEANT A THREESOME OF SUNSHINE AND JOY, OKAY.

while watching cars:

James: But I can speak Italian!
Lauren: BUT YOU'RE NOT A FERRARI.
(later)
James: But I've taken the online courses and gotten the certification! I am a Ferrari.

“There is no #39. There is no Ms. Zarves.”
— our AP Euro test today had the...

“I like Henry Clay! Just not plastered across the butt.”
— Mr Liimatta, on school spirit...

I would so laugh my head off (and be worryingly unsurprised)...

this is for you. yes, you. about the...

S~: i just lost the game.
Amy: I HATE YOU

on his theme statement for the sound and...

Alex: What's the word for rubbery?
Class: Rubbery...
Alex: Flexible!

(Mr Limmatta says he will be strict re:...

Mr. Liimatta: Caddy is hot.
Everyone: Wha??!?
Mr. Liimatta: Even without hands or toes
Jackson: I don't know, her shirt is kind of low-cut... She can't wear that on the Memphis trip!
Alex: Yeah, and if there are no fingertips...

for the record

S~: so i had this idea in english
Amy: do tell
S~: that is the perfect representation of TSATF
S~: Potter Puppet Pals: Faulknerized!
Amy: OMG
S~: the mysterious ticking noise in relation to their issues with time &c
Amy: YES PLZ
S~: and like
S~: the way it goes being also representative of character traits
S~: snape is miss quentin: "miss miss miss quentin" &c
S~: and jason compson = harry potter
Amy: this is amazing i agree please do this
S~: so they can headbutt at the end
Amy: hahahahahahaah
Amy: XD
S~: ron is benjy
S~: hermione is quentin
Amy: LOL
S~: dumbledore is caddy because he gets naked at the end :|
Amy: hahaah
S~: the discovery of the ticking noise and voldemort is dilsey!
Amy: dilsey is mcgonagall?
Amy: okay!
S~: because she understands time
Amy: haha
Amy: niiiice

“Might as well keep it in the family”
— Mr. Liimatta, on incest (in...