interview for an essay (gone wrong). My...
Q: She likes her boys finger-lickin’ good, just as Oscar likes his girls with breasts out to there.
Q: Would you ever jump off a bridge with the intention of landing in front of a train?
A: No, unless Jesus Christ our lord and savior spoke to me.
A: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME
Q: Why did you really bite me on the butt?
A: That would be easier to answer if I had any reccolecection of the incident at all. You spelled recollection wrong. And now you spelled it right. YAY!
Q: HOW DID I REALLY SPELL THAT.
A: Too many Cs
Q: What should I ask you?
A: WHAT SHOULD YOUR MOM ASK ME?
Q: Where’d you get all your STDs from?
A: Now that is a complicated question. See, I was in a group. So, I’m not sure who gave me what… but it was in the Lafayette cafeteria after Homecoming. I was wasted. Somebody had spiked the punch.
Q: … seriously?
A: Jesus, no.
Q: I think that’s enough for now.
A: Awww…. One more? One more?
Q: Well, if you want me that much…
A: YOU DID NOT SAY THAT. YOU JUST TYPED THAT.
Q: OH MY GOD EW EW EW WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU JUST LICK MY STOMACH.
A: There needs to be a question mark. And, I did it because A) it is not your stomach, it is your shirt, and B) it looked shiny and tasty. I was not disappointed.
Q: IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN I WILL BEAT YOU UP.
A: So you’re allowed to buttrape me but I’m not allowed to lick your stomach? What kind of world is this?
Q: This interview is over.
A: You forgot the part about me missing your mole.
Q: …so much for the shirt I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DISTURBED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Why do you keep trying to lick me?!
A: Haven’t you ever seen something and been all, “oh my god I really want to lick that?” It’s like pictures in a museum! You can’t touch them, so you have to!
Q: Go to bed, dorkface.
A: You didn’t say that.
Q: Go to bed, dorkface.
A: Can I lick your mole?
Q: I hope you realize I’m tumbling this RIGHT NOW.
A: Are you also going to hand it out to your Kalamazoo associates?
Q: As long as you stop trying to lick me.
A: *weighs her options, literally* one more?
Jul 26th